Top 10 Things I Learned On My Disney World Vacation

The Journey Into Narnia: Prince Caspian attraction at Disney’s Hollywood Studios is simply a commercial for the movie that hasn’t been in theaters for months.  You’re seriously just watching scenes from the movie on LCD TVs.  Don’t bother…and definitely don’t wait in line for it!

When they say bus transportation arrives from and departs to each park and resort “every 15 to 20 minutes,” they really mean “whenever we darn well please.”


The light fixture above the host desk at the Whispering Canyon Café in the Wilderness Lodge is surprisingly low.  Waiving to your wife across the hotel lobby to let her know your table is ready may cause injury and bloodshed.  Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything.


Any problem you have, no matter how big or small, can be solved quickly and easily by calling the Disney Magic Hotline (my own name for it) that can be found on your resort room key.  We had a problem getting a taxi from the rental car place to our resort.  After waiting over 45 minutes, we called that number, and the Disney representative had a car from the independent taxi service there in 5 minutes.  I’m still not quite sure how they were able to control the guys at Yellow Cab.  Disney is all-powerful.


Even though The Enchanted Tiki Room is “under new management,” it’s still stupid.


When the hostess at Hollywood & Vine restaurant, upon noticing that your wife is getting a little snappy with the kids, suggests that she might remember to be a kid herself, quickly step between the two women, and try to point out a bright, shiny object.  Your wife will thank you later for keeping her from getting blood on her vacation clothes.


The Pirates of the Caribbean ride must run on the Windows operating system, because they occasionally have to “reboot” it.


If you wear a poncho on the Kali River Rapids at Animal Kingdom, the water will pull your hood off and get under the plastic and soak your entire body through your clothes.  If you don’t wear a poncho, you will not get wet.


Nothing beats the feeling of being on the Disney Dining Plan when the dinner bill comes and the check totals $258 for 4 adults and 2 children, and you’ve already paid for that dinner at a significantly lower rate.

And…the number 1 thing I learned on my Disney World vacation:

Every employee is trained to be a professional butt kisser, and you will never get tired of the smooching.  When your kid cries, an employee will appear from thin air with babysitting skills that rival the Super Nanny to calm him down.  Every conversation ends with “thank you, sir, and you have a magical day.”  You will, on very rare occasions, meet up with an employee who has apparently had a very trying day with rude tourists, and is just barely holding on to the magic (our waitress at The Garden Grill, for instance).  There should, however, be some sort of liaison between Disney and the real world so that you can be slowly introduced back into society and have your feeling of self-importance gradually reduced.  It’s quite a culture shock to come back!


Posted on June 16, 2009, in Family Fun and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Seriously… This is brilliant… Laughed the whole way through.. Thank you sir.

  2. “And, have a Magical Day”

    It was a wonderful story………..

  3. I love the Tiki Room. Thats my favorite! Why does everyone think Tiki Room is stupid?

  4. Bidah/Lissa/Mom

    You could be a writer, kiddo. Though you may not want to submit this particular story to Disney…. I noticed a few sunburned faces in the pics. Everyone looked like they were having a great time!

  5. I take it the “I’m Going To Disney” that everyone yells in excitement isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Good to know and thanks for the great way of telling it!

  6. Actually, we had a FANTASTIC time…I was just thinking of all the funny moments we had. In fact, we had so much fun, we’re planning to go again in October!

    • As someone that books and plans trips for people to Disney, I laughed when seeing comments like Tiki room is stupid. We say loud and dark but that is our positive spin to tell them to avoid it unless you are trying to get out of the rain or need some AC. I am sorry though you had to learn on your own time, that no one told you ahead of time. Disney is a blast but you have to have humor like yours when those “moments” we all have with young kids happen.

      • Also, I noticed you said you were planning on going in October. If you have already booked, Free dining is now available for most dates in October thru Dec. 17th, just launched this past Monday so call your agent or Disney, whomever you booked with and request they switch the package to the Free dining option. We did it for all our clients it effected this week, easy breezy. If you have questions, shoot me an email about it.

  7. DON’T YOU DISS THE TIKI ROOM, Matthew! It is one of our favorites, and we go sit through it and sing it for the rest of the day…every single time we go to the park! If nothing else you just write it off as a place to sit down and enjoy your fresh pineapple!

    All hail Disney (bowing down, bowing down!) it seriously is the most magical place on earth, isn’t it?

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